Year of Grace

December 18, 2011 § Leave a comment

I sit here—

Dreaming for things to naturally fall into its place.
Staring into my living space, so weak I appear.
Can’t keep up the pace—
Of the human race, a well-established career;
I feel so out of place.
I look back at the years, a memory trace of an old frontier.
See the rough bumps, the crinkly pattern in an emerald green depression vase…
In my changing face, I feel a new tear.
If only I could embrace—
The colors of the wind in its breathing space (all-clear)
If only I could swim with the ocean and reappear—
Like a pearl in its hiding place…
If only I could jump on the next cloud and disappear—
Fly to a higher place.
If only I could touch the sun and give more cheer—
Not burn up in deep space.

If only I could walk on the moon (from here)—

Write that song that I hear play from its imaginary place.

If only I could play bass… and drink some fine dark beer—
On and on and on, in a parking space

With no cars, just a gathering space—to give ear;

A meeting place, a change of pace

For anyone who needs breathing place, a life peer.
Like me, this is my visual place.
Some say it’s a prisoner’s base, to draw nearer
To a lower place; to interlace…
Others say its part of an obstacle race, never to interfere
With a higher space,
And now my dog at my feet, who I hold dear,
Just wants me to cut to the chase.
All I know, it’s still all unclear…
But, to be sincere,
I could never fight this (cancer) alone, without fear—
Not without Love or my heart in the right place;
And, especially, not without—Grace.

Description: 2011 is my Year of Grace. Through a vivid dream, I was led to receive proper healing. I was warned to get my breasts thoroughly checked. After ultrasound/MRI-biopsies, I was diagnosed: stage 2 ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma), LCIS & DCIS, grade 3, node-positive. Following a lumpectomy, 8 cycles of chemo, deep in September, I had a bilateral total skin-sparring mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. In just one year, my risk dropped from 85% to 35% to 17.5% of cancer recurring. As, I am continuing my hormone therapy for the next five years, I have adopted even healthier ways of living, a greener lifestyle. I am learning more on what it means to be a BRCA mutation carrier, with a 50% chance plus 1% higher every year of hereditary ovarian cancer… and other cancers (pancreatic, malignant melanoma, subgroup of lymphomas and leukemia). Also, what I must do to further overcome my underlying condition of Chronic Lyme Disease.

I’ve been blessed through the miracle of more than just one dream (as my cancer went under the radar of GYN/self-breast exams and mammograms for over 8 long years, after 9/11 exposure, around age 30)… through excellent care of doctors and nurses, family and friends, my fiancé, my sweet Sonny… through the power of God’s angels on Earth and in Heaven. Through those faces that I’ve seen in my dreams before I’ve met them…

Lose the Lyme: Save the Rhyme

May 28, 2011 § Leave a comment

 

May is “Lyme Disease Awareness Month”, but for me, it’s every month. I’m a Lyme Disease Survivor. After years of being misdiagnosed/undiagnosed, I trusted my instincts/intuition and was treated successfully for advanced Lyme Disease at Malibu Hyperbaric Medical Center in 2010; referred to by Turn the Corner  …I was very happy that my strength eventually returned. However, it was not long after…that I had another life saving dream. This time to get my breasts checked immediately. In early 2011, I was diagnosed and being treated for Invasive Breast Cancer (BRCA2+) at Pink Lotus Breast Center/Cedars-Sinai and Tower Hematology Oncology Medical Group in Los Angeles. I can only hope and pray that I will get through it as well.

“Lose the Lyme: Save the Rhyme” is a poem that I wrote while undergoing treatment for Chronic Lyme Disease. It can be just as disabling and life threatening as Breast Cancer, but does not receive near that kind of attention, which is very sad. Please visit CALDA – California Lyme Disease Association for more information into this tough, debilitating, chronic, hard to diagnose and treat disease. Thank you. Many blessings…and I hope you enjoy my video poetry.

 

“Lose the Lyme: Save the Rhyme”

 

I

I can’t hustle…

when some strange disease has attacked my joint and muscle.

I can’t think straight,

when I’m carrying all this added weight.

I can’t go on believing-

in a system that isn’t seeing.

I can’t dream for too long,

when I feel something inside me is so wrong.

I can’t solve a riddle,

with confusion and crying—dying in the middle.

I can’t do the things that I once could do…

If it hasn’t happened yet, it could happen to you.

I can’t stand the pain at times…

Am I really a victim of biological warfare—terrible crimes?

This is a very critical rhyme,

from a simple soul suffering with Lyme’s in her prime.

 

II

Wouldn’t you know, sprinkles are now coming down on my face:

I can barely feel the rain, yet I embrace-

God’s Grace is taking place.

I can almost see in the cloudy skies — a moving staircase.

Close to the ocean, I feel the big wind and my heart race.

Healing begins with a Wounded Healer, at a slow moving pace.

Featured on Planet Thrive:
http://planetthrive.com/2010/05/lyme-rhyme/

Love Sky Nearby

May 28, 2011 § 1 Comment

When I look deep into the beautiful blue sky,
I ask, “Why? … Why? … Oh, God, why?”
Why do we all have to die?
Oh, my… (I say this with a sigh)
Someday…
Sometimes, I just don’t know what to say
when someone has cancer. Now how-to breakthrough
and win this battle, too…
It isn’t easy, but sharing a day like this…
I sure wouldn’t want to miss.
It feels so good inside…
to have no fear, say if I died—
tomorrow… My love will go on
in all the day-glo.
This I know—
because Love tells me so.

..I enjoy writing Carpe Diem “Seize the Day” poems. More so since being diagnosed with node-positive Breast Cancer. I was very fortunate to have received a dream of warning: A big bosom lady appeared to me in my dream one early January morning. Gave me the strong message to get checked now! Don’t wait one more day.

My cancer went under the radar of Breast GYN/self-exams and mammograms (found in an ultrasound/biopsy @Pink Lotus Breast Center/MRI @Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in LA). I was given my final diagnosis (ILC–Invasive Lobular Carcinoma; LCIS, DCIS grade III, BRCA2+) during the world-wide festival of “St. Agatha of Sicily” (Catania), Patron Saint of Breast Cancer.

My cancer tumor was cut out following—the reports—Valentine’s Day.

“Love Sky Nearby” was written on the top of my head the day before Earth Day/Easter weekend. The images were filmed on what would have been my wedding day [4.8.2011]. That’s been postponed until I finish my chemotherapy treatments… further undergo bilateral skin sparing mastectomy and reconstruction.

This poem is a very simple one, but one that I can only hope—most around the world could relate to—especially when it comes to just wanting to “really” live for the day… as if it’s endless like the sky. And to be able to share it with the ones we love, well… is more than words could say.

I wish you all the best on your journey. And, most importantly, enjoy your day wherever you are…

 

Please visit me @ CaringBridge:
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sonyarose

Visionary

March 6, 2009 § 6 Comments

In silence, a poet is born.
A new life in the universe
Emerges
Dreaming in light.
A soul awakens
To creation, whose eyes
Reflect the unknown.

 

© Sonya Rose

One Last Fight

March 6, 2009 § Leave a comment

In my hand, I carry a choice.
No one can hear my voice.
Unless, I open my heart
From the start-
Day by Day, rejoice.
Life’s a broken song.
Music travels along
A basin of blue rain;
Isolating the insane,
I am no longer strong.
I feel these pains,
Gripped in chains.
On the inside,
I am taken by second tide
To another plane-
The angels are crying,
As they watch me dying
In destiny’s flight;
Given one last fight.
My spirit is flying.

 

© Sonya Rose

Soulmate

March 6, 2009 § 1 Comment

Can you see me?
How tall am I?
Can you foresee?
Lifelong company.
Multiply.
Can you see me?
Eyes of the sea-
Lips draw nigh.
Can you foresee?
A ring on thee-
Reply.
Can you see me?
Body in harmony-
The universal eye-
Can you foresee?
Miracles of three-
Descending to unify.
Can you see me?
Can you foresee?

 

© Sonya Rose

The Light

March 6, 2009 § Leave a comment

We begin our decent.
Music flows across heaven’s psalm.
A secluded castle—a vision sent
to you in calm;
Listen. Hear every key.
The entire song
is your life tree-
Your beautiful branches, long.
Once on ground, I have found-
Fallen the song, a pass away.
Our lives are so sound,
forever and this day.

 

© Sonya Rose

Nellie Belly

December 21, 2008 § Leave a comment

This is one of my very first rhymes that I wrote called “Nellie Belly”, in honor of my daschund, a gift from my dad’s old buddy, Joe, when I was just five years old. Funny when you’re a kid, you’re a lot less serious!

 

Nellie Belly,
Wiggle wee wee,
How does your belly grow?
With meaty meats
And doggie treats,
That’s how my belly grows!

Nelly Belly,
Wiggle wee wee,
How do your legs grow?
So short and stout,
I have no doubt;
Soon, my legs will grow.

Nellie Belly,
Wiggle wee wee,
Do you love your family so?
I wish I could say-
I love each in the day.
Oh, I love my family so.

I am the world’s finest wiener hound.
Although, my belly may hit the ground,
I look good with my master on the street.
I am ready to go home now; I’m beat.

 

© Sonya Rose

Thorns in Me

December 21, 2008 § Leave a comment

 

My stiff fingers shaped the melody-
Of my longing, my love, and my pain.
Notes and vibrant chords trembled far-
Into this night of thunder and rain.
Tomorrow I will arrange to go somewhere.
Anywhere, alone, and I must wrestle…
With my soul alone, or, if not tomorrow-
At least the day after, as soon as I nestle
Into nothing that is not true….
Far down in my dreams, drifting, shining…
Mirrored in the stars, my heart is sinking-
Under the August moon, we are dining.
The hour of us is so enchanting.
How could beauty bring only pain?
Somewhere on the well-beaten path,
I lay my heartache down in vain.
My pride once sustained me.
Is beginning to fail me now
What is my one excuse?
Troublesome question, “How?”
How did our tension increase?
If only I could forget, the breaking point…
Blindness of my lover did not last.
My roses drop their petals, no longer joint.
Drawing in deep breathes, my heart is free.
A stranger enters the gates in hopes to-be
Listening to the music, hours wrong, off-key.
My piano and I hum, “what’s wrong with me?”
The sound of my heart is very faint.
I wonder where my last lover can be…
The man who watches can hear my cry.
I wake with feeling hope still left in me.

 

© Sonya Rose

Sugar Bay

December 21, 2008 § Leave a comment

 

Hands across the bay,
nobody’s beside me today.
The sun melts in my hands
and flies into the sands.
Hunger, buried below-
the shores of letting go.
Thoughts blowing, sailing-
a hurricane is trailing
over a dune, beyond the towers.
A cross, the feeding of hours,
stands on a red hill.
I’ve come to see my will.
Looking into my eyes,
Heaven knows no goodbyes.
Let my writing blow away…
when you come to Sugar Bay.

 

© Sonya Rose

The Hurricane and The Rainbow

December 21, 2008 § Leave a comment

 

One night, my house was blown away
by a hurricane on the night I forgot to pray.
In the morning, I was lost and never me.
Searching for my place, I lost my will at sea.
What kept me from drowning—was the warmth of the sun.
I stretched out my arms to hold someone.
It was the arms of hope that helped me
and the hands of faith that made me see-
on a journey of joy and ecstasy.
Looking back at shore, I ran alongside many lovers.
Some ahead I will slowly discover:
There is no holding back today.
Love is free, free to find a way-
to set its pace and ride with destiny.
And soon, my strength of being free-
will collapse from this run
and cling onto the sun.
I’ll drop on a rainbow and lie down to die.
Look for me in the starry sky.
The colors of my heart, the vision of a rainbow…
My love remains forever, even as I go.

 

© Sonya Rose

Four Seasons

December 21, 2008 § 1 Comment

 

I called her
to turn around…
She kept walking
without a sound.
She faded in the blue
of the ocean and sky.
Never a chance, summer,
to say goodbye.
Fall came,
so beautiful, indeed;
he left behind a trail
of leaves and a seed.
So, I picked up
this seed and into my hand
turned to ice;
then, disappeared in land.
As Winter went away,
he passed Spring.
I smiled
at her opening.

 

© Sonya Rose

Oceanic Dreams

December 21, 2008 § 2 Comments

 

He covers my body at night,
A blanket once so tight-
Draped around my skin,
I hardly could breathe in
The suite of stale air
Tonight, I am lying here bare,
Dreaming of my inner child
Roses are growing wild.
In my secret garden,
Encircled by children,
I laugh as we hold hands.
And spin in the sands.
Falling down on our knees,
We gather in three’s.
Then, two’s,
We search for clues.
In the deep ocean
All this extra emotion
Carries me, Alone-
I sleep now with the unknown.

 

© Sonya Rose

Pursuit of Happiness

December 21, 2008 § 8 Comments

 

Why do you smile-
when you see no direction?
How can you love all the while-
when you feel no affection?
Perhaps, happiness
is waiting around the bend:
A prestigious job to miss,
an idea to set a trend…
A place of paradise
to spend with love,
able to reach fortune—so nice
somewhere above…

 

Take time to break free.
A flight to nowhere
in the end, you’ll see
may lead to somewhere.
You are your own pilot, too,
flying through poor visibility…
See people counting on you.
Find and keep our true ability.
So smile and laugh a little…
Let all worries part for a day.
Enjoy the little things in life’s riddle;
Your happiness can be found today.

 

© Sonya Rose

Meditation

December 21, 2008 § Leave a comment

 

If everyone will close your eyes
and say to the world your goodbyes
to hate, crime, and greed.
Take this moment to plant a seed
of love, light, and laughter,
what your soul is after…

 

To vision the color of blue…
Nirvana is inside of you.

 

© Sonya Rose

Truth

December 21, 2008 § Leave a comment

 

He is standing in the corner.
His face smashed against the wall.
He is being punished…
for something he did not do at all.
I hear the children laugh
and the teachers yell.
The boy cries
from living in this school of hell.
In his world of darkness,
he paints a life of pain.
Every day to him
comes pouring rain.

 

I saw him the other day,
walking down the street.
For it was I-
he was going to meet.
I shook his hand;
So glad to have met…
Face to face,
we held each other and all night wept.
My name is Truth.
And I brought the Boy Blue-
the gift of love
for his Father, too.

 

© Sonya Rose

Not Yet Nine

December 21, 2008 § Leave a comment

 

The clock in the wall
never strikes twice-
pounding in my head,
rolling dice.
Is the lucky one me …
or the man in the sun?
His name is Jacob.
I know him a ton.
He owns a ladder;
But, shh! You mustn’t tell.
It’s a secret on high
and I his buyer will rebel…
Until the day I die…
and the ladder is mine.
My final step is not yet nine.

 

© Sonya Rose

Lie-in-Wait

December 11, 2008 § Leave a comment

 

An old-fashioned junkie
Swallowed once more-
parched on bended knee.
Shadow of recollections in his drawer-
of photographs next to a single bed.
Her rosy lips curled in disgust, the blur…
Breaths of two in one minute, fled-
Moments of mercy for her.
A nurse with emotions recalling…
She wonders alone, goddess of his lot.
Heart bleeds with sadness, bawling…
Hopes for something; knot-
in her tongue, hand on his face…
His gray-green eyes, barrier to lies,
no longer sparkled in this place.
He listened and heard, “Don’t die”.
The room rushed in, what-would-be.
Arm’s reach from a half-naked picture-
She’s feeding the hungry;
making plenty of men richer…
Stared at her the time apart, hesitantly…
Another chance to save him—code blue.
“Please just tell me…”
Speaking down a long, dark road, through-
The other side … swept into a glimpse of fate.
What else was in her power? The end-
of a love story … dare not, not to late…
to tell the man she hated then…
She did not wish for him to die.
Could not ignore his good deeds,
nor imagine love built on a lie.
Three minutes, she pleads….
Doom was at hand.
He wanted her to love him enough.
To leave him, let go of his hand…
Staying by his side was rough.
Her cherished smile and voice so sweet-
was all he ever wanted … not swallow the hurt.
Rushing in the rain … rising to shaky feet,
she dropped the rose and an angel fell, in the wet dirt…

 

© Sonya Rose

Oceans Apart

December 11, 2008 § 2 Comments

It’s been a long time
since I saw the tide roll in.
Since I’ve seen your face
wondering where you’ve been…

Hiding deep in the ocean,
you never swim above,
sinking in constant emotion.
Are you drowning in love…
of no more?
Or is your love hidden,
knocking on my door?
Could our touch be forbidden?

If you choose to float ashore,
you’ll find that I’ll be there
no more.
But don’t look for me, if you care…

You’ll hear me in you heart…
for we’re oceans apart.

 

© Sonya Rose

Old Familiar Light

December 11, 2008 § Leave a comment


Maybe the reason
why I can’t love you:
I lost my heart
in your room.

 

Come cover me with
Love-
In your room.

 

A blanket of the past
keeps me warm-
In your room,
In your room,
I’m lost
in an old familiar light-
In your room.

 

© Sonya Rose

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