Year of Grace

December 18, 2011 § Leave a comment

I sit here—

Dreaming for things to naturally fall into its place.
Staring into my living space, so weak I appear.
Can’t keep up the pace—
Of the human race, a well-established career;
I feel so out of place.
I look back at the years, a memory trace of an old frontier.
See the rough bumps, the crinkly pattern in an emerald green depression vase…
In my changing face, I feel a new tear.
If only I could embrace—
The colors of the wind in its breathing space (all-clear)
If only I could swim with the ocean and reappear—
Like a pearl in its hiding place…
If only I could jump on the next cloud and disappear—
Fly to a higher place.
If only I could touch the sun and give more cheer—
Not burn up in deep space.

If only I could walk on the moon (from here)—

Write that song that I hear play from its imaginary place.

If only I could play bass… and drink some fine dark beer—
On and on and on, in a parking space

With no cars, just a gathering space—to give ear;

A meeting place, a change of pace

For anyone who needs breathing place, a life peer.
Like me, this is my visual place.
Some say it’s a prisoner’s base, to draw nearer
To a lower place; to interlace…
Others say its part of an obstacle race, never to interfere
With a higher space,
And now my dog at my feet, who I hold dear,
Just wants me to cut to the chase.
All I know, it’s still all unclear…
But, to be sincere,
I could never fight this (cancer) alone, without fear—
Not without Love or my heart in the right place;
And, especially, not without—Grace.

Description: 2011 is my Year of Grace. Through a vivid dream, I was led to receive proper healing. I was warned to get my breasts thoroughly checked. After ultrasound/MRI-biopsies, I was diagnosed: stage 2 ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma), LCIS & DCIS, grade 3, node-positive. Following a lumpectomy, 8 cycles of chemo, deep in September, I had a bilateral total skin-sparring mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. In just one year, my risk dropped from 85% to 35% to 17.5% of cancer recurring. As, I am continuing my hormone therapy for the next five years, I have adopted even healthier ways of living, a greener lifestyle. I am learning more on what it means to be a BRCA mutation carrier, with a 50% chance plus 1% higher every year of hereditary ovarian cancer… and other cancers (pancreatic, malignant melanoma, subgroup of lymphomas and leukemia). Also, what I must do to further overcome my underlying condition of Chronic Lyme Disease.

I’ve been blessed through the miracle of more than just one dream (as my cancer went under the radar of GYN/self-breast exams and mammograms for over 8 long years, after 9/11 exposure, around age 30)… through excellent care of doctors and nurses, family and friends, my fiancé, my sweet Sonny… through the power of God’s angels on Earth and in Heaven. Through those faces that I’ve seen in my dreams before I’ve met them…


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