Chaos Central

October 4, 2007 § Leave a comment

A galactic gravitational force
within the spiral shaped curvature
of the space-time galaxy-
is not something I think of everyday.
I don’t know what is the shape-
of things to come;
but, I know form has meaning.

(E=mc2) is interchangeable,
mass and energy
paired up with a kind of
nothingness … emptiness
doesn’t seem to matter,
now, does it?-
winding in from outside
accounting for the weirdness.

My intelligence is enchanted.

By what you ask?

My ancestors, a genius Jew…
The universe … as I know it:
Chaotic—
Classic theory, a reality.

My logical words
fail me
every so often:
when I think right…

I’m in a surreal world—
with Dali;
He could paint a still-life
of a space-time landscape—
Matches my friend’s talk of illusion:
Is not just poetry.
Why never Dali painted
the Disappearing Bust
of Da Vinci?

Da Vinci was the master
of remarkable illusion~
Have you seen the dining room wall
of the Monastery of Santa Maria delle Grazie?
I have not and so is my misfortune—
Or journey in my mind to Milan.

Da Vinci would combine
corners of walls
with paintings…
I sometimes walk
inside of it…
It does seem possible:
Does it?
I’m not sure

if I am an artist anymore—
Not sure of my methods,
haven’t painted in a while…
Those prancing horses and battles…
And strange horseman
Dali was more aware
of that mossy wall.
I recognize the influence…
Remember the story of the Italian
who lived during The Renaissance?
He grew up dirt poor;
surrounded himself with culture
and knowledge from the start…

One day, he visited Da Vinci
with his father
and they spoke of geometry
long hours in the night…
Does anyone do that today—
Discuss matters…?

There is always this connection
with people in the arts…
I can’t explain it
and it’s not just your root of
humble beginnings …
It’s more…
Some curious combination—
You may not be good at math;
But, you are a big part in
powerful mathematical conceptions,
complex numbers, probabilities,

strange ideas in the hidden mysteries
of the sub-atomic world.

So, we all love modern thoughts;
but are we aware of it’s origins?
…mystical visionaries—
Dali and his treasures
buried beneath the trash
of those who think they were smarter.
Sometimes our perceptions are distorted.

Most called Dali crazy.
Why did he meet

with prominent scientists,
chaos theorists—
Even in his later stages of life?
Who influenced Prigogine—
others involved in the creation
of the new physics.
My guess would have been Dali~
He was fascinating…

We all are caught daydreaming…

Even on my way out west—
the Indian men I saw
in the red rocks
I, too, reflect on the wonder
all around me…
I took notice
as I dreamed away:
Nature seem to change shape
from one figure to the next…
in the space of the spirit.

Do we, too, become constantly
our opposite…
Dissembling, ambivalent,
hypocritical, disguised,
vague, and concrete…?

Why was not Dali-
The 20th Century Da Vinci?

You and I have one feature in common:
Irregularity—With a peculiar kind of order,
insights into the natural world…

Can you paint fast enough:
the face of a cloud…
the path of lightning…
the galaxy of stars?
The wildness of the wind
has effects on everything,

you and me:
unpredictable,
repetitive…

…have you ever lost sync
only to pick up
another rhythm?
From my window,
I hear the vehicles-
on the freeway…
chaotic patterns.10:
The science of beginnings…
Understanding why
I move with them…
Why everything
moves with me—
Every artist or scientist
has an eye
for pattern…

Has a rebellious imagination…
Experienced those random,

complex thoughts,
taking leaps in their heads
along jagged edges,
bleeding…
No easy way to get out
of the mind…
We are looking
for the whole:
the mystical themes…

Today, is the day to let go—
I’m not polished,
I bit messy like nature itself…

Oh, those drifting clouds…
Take me away~
I can’t stand

all the gossip;
Tell me facts…
My hum-drum world
is more exciting;
My sense of scientific intuition.

If I look back on my life someday~
The events were never alike.
How can I rewrite the details
with again the same passion?…
When I could lend the slogan:
“The Straw That Broke the Camel’s Back”?

It’s beyond my capacity—
Impossible to predict
which way my story will go
after what has happened…
How can I predict its outcome
of random events…?

The mysteries of ourselves
can be decoded:
I think…

A fundamental connection
with the universe~

Does history really repeat itself?

I’m evolving in my skin
and extremely sensitive;
Are you watching me—
God?-

Every move I make?
How do you predict my behavior?-
Mathematically by my genes?-
My conditioning…
Outside the control setting…
Who knows?

That’s why someone told me
“Forget everything”…
Easier said.

So, now, we are:

Jack-and-Jill-of-All-Trades.
How many good tricks-
do you know?-
Better come up with a few
before you snap
like the twig I saw
fall in a storm,
land before my feet…
I, too, have to focus
on abrupt change;
I’ve had many…
like my computer-

has a system…
I’m drawn to it
like two lovers~
associated…
separated by distance.

How do they behave
in miraculous ways?
Are we all unstable
coming together…
and breaking apart…?

Things happen.
People can be mad.
Nothings the same again
for broken relationships,
families…

Everyone winds up suffering
one way or another…
All kinds of problems
one way or another;
Once a family is broken up—
It’s never the same…
Repeat the repetitive year after year;
Chaos controls the mind…

So many accomplishments
in my family—No one sees
as a big deal … No one says:
“you made it”:
“I’m proud of you”…
How do we grow
out of a negative
environment and be happy?

There’s more than one genius
in a family.

Pick an outlet to plug into:
alcohol, gambling, socializing,
entertainment…
I’ll pick poetry, art,
my ramblings…
I’m amused
where the pain goes.
Remember this…
(for the next generation):
It only takes ONE person to CLAP…
And I’m not going to make sense
of everyone’s actions…
Or why I write
out of nothingness…

How do we try our best
to keep the weirdness
of our lives
understandable…
Document it to a minimum,
leaving names and their actions out…

In my head, a knot, a twist…
how ever far I am…
There is a movement-
which holds us all together…

Falling into this hypnotic state
through quantum lenses,
a film through which we see-
the world whole,
a universe outside of ourselves.

Returning to the heavens—
We all are spread out weeping…
because we haven’t stopped sweeping,
the foundation of matter
of ourselves … dust, climbing out…

May we see the far reaches
of this galaxy and beyond;
but, first let me take-
some aspirin
as I have thought
too much this hour…
My brain is splitting…
Interesting…
how the words flow.
I won’t hold onto my dreams
too tightly here in Hollywood.
Better luck playing the lottery
as Bill Maher would say~

Tonight, I’ll watch some science fiction…
“Star Wars”—because there is no reality…
And the unreal is possible—There’s me
…and the lights, mirrors, and illusions;
and the kid outside screaming at his friend,
“You’re a big loser!”…
and the sound of glass shattering
as the teased boy stomps—
creating different shaped, sized pieces…

Now, calm and obviously disturbed.

 

© Sonya Rose

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